Punish Not the Whistle-Blower, but Rather Instead Shun Whom Has Taught You to Hate, or Emperor Trumps New Clothes.

—(o=8> word from wiza.
As an Enchanted Lifestyle Facilitator, I am here to make the world a better place – not to rewrite history compelled by contemporary political correctness foments a fervor under the scrutiny of the collective opinion of the hour brought about by social media – such that George Orwell was write, er… well he did that well too, the Orwellian Future of 1984 has now come to pass. I’m here to make history not deny past flaws. The native American part of me feels honored by the Washington Redskins, appealed at Andrew Jackson, and at ease with Christopher Columbus because you can’t revive the peoples of our nations plundered by plague – what’s done is done, let us not repeat the massacre by removing statues or deleting sections of history texts just because, or unjustly to be accurate, at the moment they offend us.  We will now examine, rather tangentially, what we choose to offend us.  Only then can we be satisfied at peace by applying the decision guided by cosmic consciousness to be not offended and be within yourself indivisible.
I’d rather see the works of George Harrison than of George Orwell come to pass. Mine is the ministry of blessings broker, asking “What concerns you most?” wherever I go to whomever happens to be there as is the serendipitously correct – what others may describe as synchronicity or fate. Lord that I may address those concerns in the name of my church Visum Verum, Esse Dilucide, Remove Caput ab Ano est Ministriaria, which, when the Latin is examined with the verbs re-arranged to English reminds us that when we pull our heads from our ass we are able to see the truth then be illuminating. If I find there is something I can do to crutch you on your way lest we stumble together then I’m at your service brother head heart and hands, such is my mission. A bit later I’ve a story about that. Just as I won’t lie to you nor will I stand by and allow apologies to bypass indiscretion, excuses to permit error, little white lies to whitewash your inability to deal with the grizzly truth. If you fail, own it and get on with it. To cover your ass with a lie is the vicious circle. To learn from mistakes, and document them so others my avoid your pain is synergistic. By the way, there is a Santa – at least one that I know of – Santa Wiz. I toil in the Southern California sun near a pool nary an elf in sight tinkering small improvements, fixing toys, inventing new tools and making merry music – all without sexual contact, drugs of any sort ( I could use some medication for the skin on my legs though I haven’t) nor liquor to imbibe. My hell in which I dwell is the abject depression stemming from loneliness.

Left-field: We share our spaceship Earth with the stromatolite bacterial slime which pissed oxygen starting four billion years ago and polluted this rock with life, several extinction events, one which we will have caused, and then again, after us, the earth will burp a CO2 spike, and long before this rock is again dust, when we won’t be scrambling around any longer for each of our personal oxygen supply because our orbit will be enveloped inside our suns corona – extra-crispy to the core will be our Earth. Perhaps we achieve interstellar migration before then, but we will have to get along and put all this petty selfish bickering aside because we have been ignorant that we’re running out of time and nowadays, having pissed off the gods by electing Trump, those well named deadlines are suddenly much nearer. We’re all in this together. Unless we humans can instantly effect global correction then prepare for supernova, the way things are looking, neither in the short nor very long term, nothing makes it out alive – our Earth doomed by physics to become a mere cosmic footnote, a wondrous and curious manifestation of the universe built of stardust which for a blip of time was able to contemplate that universe. All in all you nor I really never mattered and all your problems just make you a mote annoying God’s eye – I prefer to be a bubble in God’s pitcher of beer, glad to spill onto the tray as he slides up to his girlfriend – because God knows all, including where to obtain a proper pour.

Commencement speech of wiz.

I was born a young Republican, not of the republicans of today, but descendant of Jeffersonian Whigs. I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right when I first registered to vote, the same day I registered for selective service, and on that voter registration form were little boxes allowing the opportunity to declare my political party which I did by reciting the Pledge of Allegiance “… and to the Republic for which it stands…” mostly though to cast my first ballot for Micky Mouse as I was worried that my only party primary ballot choice was incumbent president Ronald RAY-GUN, an allegory pseudonym representing my worry that his leadership would lead us straight into mutually assured annihilation. I didn’t throw my vote away, I cast my ballot in protest mindful to be able to complain that I don’t live in Russia as I felt to Reagan or not to Reagan was the only choice I’d been offered, I chose to not Reagan, retaining the right to bitch about it for only by not participating or refusing to cast a ballot is the silence we ought fear just as intensely as allowing myself to be intimidated against casting a ballot is. That was my first political pigeon-hole I wholly placed myself and my x into, and then joyfully embarked into a minor in political science with two semesters of Philosophy under my belt and a dual major of Broadcasting and Computer Science while representing the Engineering department, an appointment to the Student Senate, as well as being elected against my will as President of the American Society of Engineers and Architects. Unable to find a club member to represent ASEA in the Inter-Club Council, I attended those meetings myself and just to become further damned by public service, they subsequently elected an ICC president – yay say I when they elected another, but I was first runner-up and appointed the ICC Vice-Presidency. Then much life happened to halt that path – my house burned down, dad moved far north, I moved in with the president of the secretarial club, we had a girl and providing for my new family delayed my final semester several years as I put my aspirations aside to further my lady’s career and raise our child. My sense of commitment compelled me to wed my bride and make it official and certified. BTW I AM definitely a sexist, I believe solidly in matriarchy, equality in women’s rights and pay and have always been a pro feminist extremist – sexist being the pigeonhole into which others place me, but my soul is free from that little box as I defend every gender without bias equally regardless of gender choice or assignment at birth. Being devoid of gender-line to divide standards or assign tasks, my chosen role-reversal situation allowed my immersion into advance computer science operating system research to flourish as I did the housework and did my best to fill the kit and provide as an independent contractor hacking out device drivers at home and as Beverly Hills chauffeur so that I could provide the opportunity that my wife, lover, and best friend partner could climb the work-a-day corporate ladder, lowering our child care costs as there was always a caring parent attendant to caretake, while others labeled me a pussy for those tasks assumed I’m convinced that changing diapers so she could sleep and so forth were among the sledge strikes of self-sacrifices which forged me to be cast a real man by honing my ability to be multi-tasking while providing the grinding trials and tribulations to overcome, as well all those other experiences equipping me with the high polish ferrous tools and tempered mindset to get things done with both strength and flexibility. With my political career well mothballed I intended never to return to that compromising den of politician thieves.
 
I drew from the strength of grandmother – right-hand man to Enrico Fermi as the woman in the highest office of the Manhattan Project, and her only child, her daughter first female to Bachelor in Mathematics from UCLA. Working as a computer with mind, chalk and mechanical pencil solving complex trajectories my mom then helped code the introduction of IBM equipment to “McAuto” McDonald Douglas Automation and brought her work home in my toddler years. From 132 column green-bar fan-fold, pin-feed chain-printed printouts I learned to read Fortran before Dick and Jane. If SIN(x)>0.5 then goto half-wave was far more compelling and interesting function definition than the miss-adventures of seeing Spot run, run Forrest run, and his cadre of dullards of fabricated dubious involvement. My primers were the syntax and order of operations appendixes. Quite rewarding I found pointing out the error was origin zero and the comparison SHOULD BE “equal to or greater than” a minuscule distinction which can accumulate to crashing a DC-8. Having long known that coding was my destiny my electives at Hollywood High included Typing I & II. I could already program the printer interface of an IBM Selectric, but I knew I needed practical training on the home row. While my peers were trying to shame me for taking a chick course “Well, I’m in wood/metal/auto shop!” I had those already, plus electronics and print shop I reminded the hammer hanging machismo boasting ego boosting haters that while they were busy playing slap-ass with their sausage-fest fellows that I was the only good looking eligible bachelor in a room full of 35 hungry horny ladies, my personal target rich environment. I ate plenty of fish from that barrel which may sound like bragging but truly is lament for Kirsty who had the looks and voice but the misguided religion was deal breaker and of Carnie whom I truly loved but bad planning at the end of the semester was an unrecoverable fatal blow. Ah, there is one of those tangents now – as an illustration of what was soon to come – my prediction to come true. I don’t remember the typing teacher’s name but the short German dude took pride in wearing jodhpurs and riding crop to emulate Werner Klemperer as Colonel Wilhelm Klink that should ones wrists rest a rap would restore their arch as reminder. I tried to tell him, unsuccessfully, that he was training all these girls for the typing pool, a job which soon would not exist, as the keyboard would soon be in the domain of and on the desks of executives and it’s attached platen replaced with digital displays. What he perceived as empowering women to enter the workplace I saw as objectifying women to remain servants in their workplace niche as a form of systematic oppression. At his core behavior was ingrained perpetuating corporal punishment in education and dual standards in gender equality.
Summer semester at LACC started two weeks before Hollywood High graduation, I made my choice, having already graduated with my California High School Proficiency Examination Diploma achieved 18 months earlier, so I didn’t walk with my class – I was just there to knuckle down and perfect the skills I knew I lacked to succeed in college I picked the hardest classes in academy and the European style Fundamental style Language, Arts and Science with a High School Major in Philosophy. I didn’t care what my grades were, didn’t bother with the SATs, I was going to excel in university and write my ticket to get there. Big mistake in the side-track that became because Computer Science wasn’t offered at LACC. Instead they had Business Data Processing. So here I am, dual major in broadcasting and  business data processing with a minor in philosophy, representing the Engineering Department in Student Senate, and President of the American Society of Engineers and Architects where my constituents asked “You’re a computer guy, what are you doing here?” and I pointed to the massive drafting tables with their cumbersom precision “L” squares attached to wire bound swing arm dinosaurs and said “All that, it’s going away. You’ll build models out of bits and files with a mouse.” I was almost right but still ahead of my time, for the only mouse I’d seen thus far had a coil centered in a clear plastic reticle-crosshair wired to a bulky position sensor and the Apple Lisa had just been swiped from Xerox Palo-Alto Research and trackballs were most prevalent on the Missile Command arcade games across the street. But in pointing to my imagined workspace I envisioned users at task, not women of color or distinctions by class and race but a peaceful rainbow of brilliant creators collectively plotting our conquest of Mars and building bridges to conquer cultural chasms. Race and gender were artificial constructs injected by others and among the irrelevant not considered just as the rest of the campus was well integrated by its very location and nature – Asians in the Latin club were just as common and numerous as girls in the math and forensics clubs – distributed with equality and without divisive question – welcomed by all.  Which brings up another lady whose memory regards well with recent events that circulated on social media enough to ding national news – picture a fat old racist woman shouting “Go back where you came from!” to Asians exercising in local parks, she being draped in the same faded blue floral print muumuu she wore when she attacked us years ago. You see there was this funny, intelligent, very attractive Latina who was getting an easy A in my Spanish class, whom otherwise being Latina would not have been of consequence, but to this incident. I was taking advantage of the fact that she lived far and took the 220 line bus to school to make some time with this fine lady of well breeding utilizing the excuse of tutoring me with immersion. So, there we were conversing and flirting in the back of this southbound RTD bus when that very same nasty of mind lady, er no, intentional bitch, in her then more vibrant blue flower print muumuu, after dropping her 9 brown kraft paper grocery bags in the isle, completely blocking it, blew a meltdown until the person in the first seat vacated, oblivious to anyone else who was then required to jump over her distributed obstacle eavesdrops our private conversation and recognized it as offensive by not being in English. Completely ignoring that insisting someone else do, or feel, or think, or speak as you say is a mortal sin she storms over streaming non-stop while screaming about how this is America and how we speak English here and how we should go back home, where we came from you filthy Mexicans. I took it as a complement that I am able to blend with any race, creed or religion, but my tutor did not. “What street are you on?” “Sepulveda.” Then with a long U corrected her “No, my family’s name is pronounced Sepulveda, and we have an East-West one and a North-South one that goes completely over the Sepulveda Pass into the San Fernando Valley. The King of Spain granted us this, the Sepulveda Rancho, long before California was made a state of Estados Unidos del Norte y Sur. My distinguished family married into the natives and was born here before missions were built. We developed the South Bay into a vibrant community of trade, tolerance. respect and commerce into an economy ranking California eighth largest in the world. So YOU go back to where you came from! And by the way you owe me rent!” which reminded me to add that the Constitution of California states that all laws are written and published primarily in Spanish and that those California laws in English are a mere afterthought. “Aquí es donde desembarco, mi casa cientos de años nuestra casa.” I called after her “América del Sur sigue siendo América, ¿verdad?” as she escaped via the back door sticking me with the drab tab of gab who was ignorant far beyond her lack of intelligence. But that story, that cautionary tale of unbridled hate, can only stem from her intolerant position which was not her original thought. Someone had convinced her to hate, to be of superior mindset, and to disparage all those who fail your faulty standards. I don’t know that she represented white supremacy of the era, but I’m certain that what others had told her to think sure did highlight her stupidity that day due to her choice to be offended by communication and presumed origin.
 
Eight years ago I decided re-register in order to join the Democratic Party, not to cast my ballot for Obama, although that was a plus for progress, but in will and indeed to distance myself from the nutball TeaBaggers who then turned right-round upon themselves to elect the one percent who clearly participates in the presidential race to line his own pockets while lacking the mental capability of assuming blame, or even being a diplomat which is rather easy if you can keep your size 7 wingtip mouth shut. Folks like that are why I abandoned politics and are why I don’t attend MENSA as well – in my experience both are filled to the gunnels with alcoholics and beyond the pork-barrel brim with self-aggrandizing wealth accumulators blinded by greed which disables themselves from applying their intellect towards improving this spaceship Earth instead utilizing their breath to interfere with pursuing the greater good for the greatest number in being so, unless those individuals are ants and roaches, we may be outnumbered but we’re making great America at that, for the maggots. For the county registrar I provide election excellence having been appointed judge, examiner, board member and clerk as well as privately contracting to improve their software interface, all under oath and dedicated to ensuring each election is fair. I firmly believe in the protection of the secret ballot, yet I divulge enough that you will always know my selections by this definition – I refuse to vote in self-interest but instead to think cosmically and act globally and then cast my ballot to that well informed accord as best I can.
 
“Forty acres, respect, love and a mule.” should have been actually granted, and not just promised then withheld following the proclamation of emancipation. Had that 40&mule ideal of long ago been delivered, it would have served the foundation for the genuine erasure of any line of colour to cross or barre had it been achieved circa Lincoln’s assassination. Nor would the rally cries “De-fund the police!”, “Say his name!”, “I can’t breathe!” or “Black lives matter!” ever have avalanched to become the tremendously glaring social issue overwhelming us today which I believe was created by the fear of equality among those who sought to cling to power of supremacy so long before my time. The resulting realization of their unfounded fear has achieved precisely the opposite of what those damned fools wanted. You may soon find your own prejudices interfere with my attempt at communication. I’m just sayin’ that had Abe been able to overcome, as a nation, our unfounded fears a hundred years ago with “Forty acres, respect, love and a mule.” that empowerment and entitlement would be well entrenched this day and we might be far beyond the current distraction, instead able shine as the illuminating nation of color-blind and beneficial ambassadors, intellectuals and scientists, an encouraging and educating peoples, collectively united to achieve a beacon to this planet and a magnet to those fellow travelers of like mind. Oh yeah, we DID have that, before the current administration exposed us as chicken, beef and laughing stock as the scrotum of world opinion. I can only thank him for employing tailors in invisible thread and for keeping food on the table – of comics.
 
 
I’ve a collection of badges, credentials and pins. My favorite among all is a tattered yellowing Badge-a-Minit with rusty back given to me by a candidate in history’s first election for Mayor of Pasadena, CA. I mentioned I stand for its phrase with my whole being, so he gave it to me.  It reads “I can not tolerate intolerance.”
 
Defined by a sound byte – Roseanne Barr, Gilbert Gottfried, myself, Kathy Griffin, and countess others permanently scarred by the overwhelming reactions of the unrighteously indignant from a single utterance spoken one day of their entire lives. I am bent out of shape by those who hide behind the guise of political correctness. Balderdash! I advanced computer science, improved society and by bringing my point of view to examination and review have changed the course of history for the betterment of all – but once I mucked my futher and long before that I cucked a sock so what phrase am I most referred to by? Futhermucking sock-cucker! To insist anyone be politically correct is to be quite impolite. There are those who would accuse me of being racist by the unfashionable words I choose to use – that’s called fascism. They are not aware my mom welcomed Black Panther meetings which she hosted in our Signal Hill parlour, or how proud I felt to represent student government at Los Angeles City College, my pride borne by a constituent student body well mixed in equal proportions of representative races yet that was never an issue, for we also enjoyed equal respect and love regardless of colour. Should someone trample your civil rights, do allow me to stand at your side in solidarity as the first to defend your rights, for I am sworn several times and many ways, mandated even, to uphold and defend both the combined U.S. Constitution as bound like a faggot with the Bill of Rights to give it the collective strength by those agreed to be governed by those documents as well as I’m affirmed by oath to defend the Constitution of the State of California, the County of Los Angeles oath of office, many similar affirmations as well, and indeed most of all to uphold all laws accompanied with their precedent decisions – regardless that I no longer receive remuneration – because those oaths I have so affirmed shall remain effective as stand I, and I will be the first to arise and defend your civil rights under colour of that authority, but primarily as patriot citizen. I have not yet broken those oaths by speaking my mind, I speak my mind for the betterment of all and for that I’m punished just as our refugee patriot citizen Ed Snowden for warning us, the governed, of the excesses of SSA, NSA and a myriad of other bureaus and agencies eroding civil rights under the sheepskin of counter-terrorism. I’m not breaking any laws by documenting the visible, nor by taking a knee during the National Anthem – I wouldn’t be the first to encourage prayer in that hymn, yet I choose to be offended by those who would choose to be offended because they are unable to deny to others two expressions of our Bill of Rights first amendment, freedom of religion and freedom of expression in one song. So to do I separate my highest power from the state and in Gods name I speak only to love. With that in mind I am even more bent on correcting those who claim “that’s OUR word!” I can only reply “How dare you divide with blind hatred just because I triggered you by saying nigger.” Listen to yourself, hypocrite. Examine the mirror of your mind to reveal that person who has taught you to parrot and perpetuate that oppressive hate speech deserves to be renounced themselves. Please return to them and point out their blasphemous and harmful irony. You may even choose to tell them “How dare you attempt to tell me how to feel or what to think or in any way chain my mind with your myopic blindness which you decree in order to excuse your lack of capacity to love without boundaries?” and that true political correctness allows freedom of expression – more so it grants freedom from oppression for merely holding my values and beliefs such as “It is a mortal sin to insist anyone do as you say.” like “If you say nigger one more time, I’ll mess you up!” Well, pardon me while I dangle my participle. And if you think you have a problem with that, please do recall you have just as much wherewithal to avoid your self-assumed hurdle of hatred as you have to enable yourself with self-empowerment to bypass such hazards, to ditch the sludge which slips you up and and avoid those potholes of politic which burden your brotherly love and now to steer clear onto your road to enlightenment. Systematic oppression is the key phrase in the definition of racist. Therefore anyone trying to convince you that merely to mention nigger justifies violent reaction is themselves the racist. I am an enchanted lifestyle facilitator – a synergistic opposite of the vicious circle of oppression. Please, before you pass judgment, do please allow me to tell you where I’m coming from to give prologue to my broken yellow stream of thought into the Gatorade bottle truck bomb you now hear. My grandmother was so glad I passed for white. Here in the United States title stands for naught, and for that I’m glad to be equal among peers. My half-breed dad’s side of the family is well documented descendant from titled French aristocracy, financier to the king, whose middle of the three sons, all of whom escaped the guillotine aided by the Welsh Huguenots to cross the Atlantic to the New World, then married a Lakota Sioux princess, a matriarchal society of which I’m proud to be of blood kin. Also well documented by Chicago scholars is that second son’s journal published widely in Europe, embraced dearly in France, the reading of which compelled many would-be trappers to share his extraordinary adventure, ill prepared as they flooded in, many of whom fell to death by exposure. So I’m not bragging for I barre their blood upon my hands by heritage misled in the name of fraternity and liberty. My moms side of the family includes U.S. Presidents, a Livingston who signed the Declaration of Independence, another Livingston who signed the Constitution, Again I’m not bragging – for both families owned slaves. I am bragging that those slaves were encouraged to indenture their servitude and become freemen who took our name in honor of my forefathers. Still both sides of my heritage have never ceased championing equality with the means at hand. I certainly have never stopped. My amazingly gifted mom is rightly proud of her heritage in establishing these great United States, I reminded her that the other side of my family raced down the beach to greet their arrival, big mistake. Mine is the story with a moral to assist one another, love one another, and dare not confine my thoughts because I identify lower than nigger. Have reservation for Indians, oh, wait, they already did that to us and by comparison niggers have had it easy. Instead of complaining about my threadbare clothing or shabby appearance, do something to correct the discrepancy, don’t give a handout, offer a hand up away from government imposed alcoholism and poverty with your shared compassion and offers of opportunity. Are you still offended by the caste into which I was born? Or have you chosen to remain offended by my language choices? Then why are you allowing others to pigeon-hole you with a trigger word, someone else’s fantastic fabricated power trip fashioned to further repress you? You can be offended only if you decide to take offense. Be not a nigger as defined by Chris Rock, just as you can choose to be not defined by a word – remain instead a man. Refuse to allow the haters to remove any words or truth from you, exhibit your power to give no power to a word. No one can take that from your mind, or replace it with indignation, no matter how they justify hatred, unless you let them. Such an attempt to mar you psyche is in itself a divisionistic race card play and you have the ability to refuse to play that game. I’m not the first to pray while singing the Star Spangled Banner, and I am unable to find such prohibition in the rule book. Be an example of steadfast goodness. Take a knee during the national anthem should you choose. I’m deeply offended by those who commit mortal sin by insisting I do as they say and prevent my silent prayer then eject me from the game for not bowing to their petty PC tirade. Be not swayed from your dual expressions of your first amendment rights – freedom of expression and freedom of religion. Permit no entity or establishment to define your channel into their version of the politically correct. I encourage you to shed the opinions of the errantly self-righteous unjust like water from a ducks back to simply be a power unto yourself, to shine and illuminate a path to the betterment of all.
 
wiz reserves the right to love everyone. Bless you upon your journeys.
↔The Marquis d’ Fouquet, Right Honorable Reverend Doctor Wizard G. d’Isney, Ph.D., W.M.O., Captain U.S. Marine Reserve Ret. and a bunch more irrelevant titles, Defender of the Meek and Champion for the Oppressed, each and all titles of which are collectively but rags before God are rather simply encapsulated by being known high and wide just as wiz (in lower case.)
 
By the way, I fret not of Corona [mimicking two “X”s over my eyes] What really takes you down a half-dozen is the Dos Equis. “Muck ’em if they can’t cuck a sock.”

Money Saving Freezer Tips – Thermodynamics in Your Kitchen

Motors running compressors and heater coils are the biggest household electricity expense. I am appalled by the “experts” claiming money saving tips who have no clue how a freezer works. Finish this article and you will be an expert kitchen thermodynamicist.

I once read a magic book called “The Trick Brain” which ruined magic for me forever. It described how to produce a magic trick by random selection of objects and effects. I can no longer enjoy an illusion without having some clue of it’s method. I will now reveal the secrets behind the cause of kitchen cost.

First, a response to this stupid Money-Saving Freezer Tips which encourages the masses to perforate themselves, friends and family by filling and freezing boxes full of fiberglass insulation. If you have ever worked with angelhair fiberglass you know you itch for weeks and sharp broken bits of glass fiber in your lungs will kill you as you bleed with every breath – not something you want near your food or digestive tract.

Fact: It costs more to keep a lot of ice frozen than a little. Keeping an extra mass at a lower temperature is less efficient under any circumstance, regardless of how much of it is fiberglass or insulating air it traps. Any energy spent cooling freezer blocks is wasted when you remove them to use that space for food. Freezer blocking can also cause problems by restricting the cooling fan vents which prevents smooth refrigerated airflow – causing the fan to work harder and longer.

Better to retain as much refrigerated air as possible. Here are a few small efficiencies to get you started. Keep in mind heat rises. Keep long-term and warmest at the top. Keep space open at the bottom before you head to the market – They will cool quicker at the bottom, then rearrange them early in the morning when the kitchen is coolest. Plan your load to keep popular picks by the handle and seldom selections by the back corner of the hinge. For example: 98% of the door openings are not to retrieve a frozen chicken – that’s long term coldest so near but not on the bottom and in the back corner behind the hinge. Perhaps a popular pick is popsicles – prepare the package by tearing off the top and placing it handles out on it’s side near the top in the door rack or by the door opening, where refrigerator manufacturers design the placement of ice-makers and ice trays. Then train the kids and kids-at-heart to only open the door enough to quick-pick, not swing it wide open and then decide or dig. Plan your grab to not let the heat in, so know WHAT you want and WHERE it is before you open the door.

By the way, C Lazarus, you picture a piggy-bank on your freezer shelf, that’s just too ludicrous for a response. Try this – dump the Sherbet Tubes into the ice tray instead of reaching over the box lid, and rearrange the corndogs so the handles are easy to grab when you crack the door open a moment. Then read  Money Saving Freezer Tips – Thermodynamics in Your Kitchen and learn not to exchange warm air for cold while quick-picking. There once was an ad-campaign for bottled ketchup accompanied by Anticipation – Carly Simon (#13 – 1972) which highlighted the viscosity of their product. What it fails to mention is that when you pour ketchup your are actually pouring two fluids, air is the fluid which replaces the ketchup – the ketchup can’t get out of the glass bottle if the air can’t get in to replace it – the ketchup is held in the bottle by the vacuum of it’s own weight. When you put something in your freezer you push cold air out and the displacement is matched going the other way as well. So try to be an Olympic diver and leave no splash – not a ham-handed cannonball on entry and an oriental fan on the way out.


Thermal Theory in Hot Water

This was written in response to an assertation of a wive’s tale by Meerkat1. The statement of opinion was tagged at the bottom of a normal post:

“Meerkat1” <student@invalid.edu> wrote in message news:student-B73D25.15474307102010@news.aioe.org…
> Helpful Kitchen Hint: Need a copious amount of ice cubes for that
> special party? If so, fill your ice cube trays with boiling water (in
> place of tap water). They will freeze faster. This hint brought to you
> by your Iron Chef.
>
> Meerkat1 – Chief Engineer
> RADP Pavilion

BZZZZZZZZZT!
Sorry, Myth Busted! …brought to you by wiz,  your favorite feroequinologist.
There is no special property possessed by piping hot water, that isn’t also possessed by luke warm tap water, to make it freeze faster.  Very few substances are liquid when cold and then solid when heated, and none I can think of go the other way – warm solid to cool liquid. An egg, when cooked, breaks down the long chain protein molecules into many short coils, visualized as a box of wet spaghetti changing into a box of interlocked coil springs, that’s what causes a cake to bind.
There is, however, thermodynamic proof that starting with the coldest possible liquid reduces the time to achieve a solid. That truth applies equally to molten iron, liquid helium, DHMO (Dihydrogen Monoxide), Hydroxilic Acid, pure H2O and common tap water which likely contains chlorine and fluoride as well as a host of suspensions, solutions and particulates such as rust, lead, valve grease, calcium, even dead (and some live) bacteria, below government approved maximums of course, if you’re lucky.

If you had claimed “Piping hot water loses heat more rapidly than room temperature water.” then I would not have been compelled to dispute it and write this article, for that statement is indisputable. Room temperature water is already room temperature and the rate of Calories per hour exchanged nets zero. Hot water exhibits a steep but diminishing rate of C/hr decline.


TAKE THE HEAT OFF
(relax the pressure)
Now it is possible that the purest of water, containing no dissolved suspensions or particulates, can remain a liquid when super-cooled, because without a “seed” it has the ability to refrain from forming a crystalline structure. (which explains the ‘cool’ magic trick of tapping the surface of water with ones finger to make the ‘freeze’ it in a fraction of a second.) The freezing temperature of water solution can be lowered with other dissolved mixtures, such as salt and alcohol. That’s why I keep a jar half full of cheap vodka in the freezer for kitchen burns, it remains in a liquid state and is quicker and more envelopingly effective than a cube of ice at lowering skin temperature. That’s also why road crews sprinkle salt on iced roads – subtract several degrees from the dangerous slick road conditions, by lowering the freezing temperature of the ice, the saltwater flows away harmlessly (unless you are life downstream.) Mix ice, salt and alcohol around your ice cream maker tub to get it colder than ice. (you can’t taste frozen ice cream, only when it’s melted has it flavor.)
Pressure has an effect on freezing as well as evaporation – the lower the pressure the quicker the ice and the steam – lengthen your cooking time at a greater altitude, because the water will boil at lower temperature. Pressure cookers shorten cooking times by increasing boiling temperature. Some steam locomotives superheat steam (making ‘dry steam’) by routing it out of the steam dome through the fire tubes of the boiler to conserve water and utilize less steam more efficiently as the pressure increases with temperature, allowing greater expansion in less time to drive the piston cylinders, instead of using powerfully wasteful ‘full compression’. So to make ice cubes the quickest, start with chilled water from the fridge and freeze it in a vacuum.

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
(a one way road, from hot to cold.)
Always remember that you can’t create cold. Heat only flows from warmer to cooler. Your refrigeration contraption, including air conditioners both automotive and buildings, can only add more heat to the surroundings. Running a 1500 Watt refrigerator adds the equivalent heat of running a 1500 Watt hair dryer the same length of time. Heat exchangers, which keep two fluids separate yet transfer heat between them, can be found in heating/air-conditioning ducts, nuclear power plants, and cooling gasoline engines or warming car heater air in the form of a radiator, as fluids need not be liquid – atmosphere behaves fluidly.  Your heat pump contraption (refrigerator/freezer) collects heat from the cold side with a lower temperature heat exchanger tubing (usually filled with refrigerant in a gaseous state) coiled within the freezer compartment that then circulates out to the hot side where it is compressed to a liquid by an electric pump, increasing it’s temperature to higher than the kitchen ‘room temperature’ and into another heat exchanger on the ‘hot side’ where the hot liquid radiates the heat away to the room. Just like inside the ice-chest portion of the refrigerator, heat still only flows from warmer to cooler, but now from the hot radiator coiled on its back, into to the room where the hot/liquid side of the cycle is exposed to atmosphere, rather than from the air inside the ice-chest to the heat exchanger of the cold/gaseous portion of the cycle. In order to separate the two sides, the pump sucks on the cold side, creating a vacuum into which the warm (now cooler) liquid passes through a tiny hole, that aperture is known as the Bernoulli Valve named for the guy that figured out that in order for the liquid to expand into a gas it takes a large amount of heat. Guess where it collects that heat from. That’s right, the freezer. 110% of the heat energy removed from inside your refrigerator now heats your kitchen – the extra 10% or so comes from the electrical energy running the compressor pump, the friction of the coolant, the interior lamp bulb, icemaker motor and valve (if equipped) and the heater coils of the frost-free feature.

NO CAKE, JUST ICING AND FROSTING
(but you wouldn’t want to eat it anyway.)
An electric fan blows air across the heat exchanger built of tubes with fins hidden behind and/or beneath the walls of the freezer compartment. That chilled air then flows down across your frozen food and a portion of it is routed past a flap attached with a rod to the dial that adjusts the relative difference from the freezer to the fridge compartment. Limit opening the doors when humidity peaks, such as after you shower or put a kettle on for tea. Be aware that any moisture allowed inside tends to ice up this duct and can eventually prevent the fridge compartment from receiving any cold air at all. Due to this frost collection, refrigeration tends to suck the moisture out of items placed inside. The action of frosting lowers the humidity because the coldness of the tubes causes airborne moisture to collect on it, and quickly becomes frost. By removing the moisture, the air trapped inside of your refrigerator becomes dry – an action which costs Watts of electricity for the pump to run longer.

ADD MORE HEAT
Have you a frost-free fridge? You have HEATER COILS INSIDE YOUR FRIDGE! Now why would anyone want electric strips of metal that heat up and glow just like a toaster within a piece of equipment designed to keep things cold? Most refrigerators include a timer designed to reset itself periodically to a 24 hour cycle to shut down the compressor and turn on the heaters that melt the frost from the ducts and compartment walls when the doors remain closed mostly – basically while the household is asleep. If you frequently interrupt the timer, your midnight snacks are costing you more than your waistline, they are also increasing your energy consumption. Reducing the time the heaters are on to melt the frost, thereby lowering your electric bill can also be achieved by wiping off moisture before placing items inside, keeping fluid containers tightly capped, and pouring only as much as you are going to finish drinking instead of leaving an uncovered half glass of juice or milk to evaporate in the chilled air of lowered humidity caused by frost crystal formation. Heaters wrap the freezer compartment to melt the frost, the cool condensate (a bacteria farm that smells like all the nasty decay collected from things you’ve preserved in your fridge) pools beneath the freezer compartment and drains out through a tube to an evaporator – which is usually a simple pan near the floor. Recent improvements in energy efficiency involve an additional dehumidifier in the airflow from the fridge to the freezer compartments. The dehumidifier/condenser centralizes the moisture condensate collection, minimizing the surface area and time required to defrost it.

A/C in DC
Air Conditioners (A/C) also use the same method of cooling the cabin air – two heat exchangers and a refrigerant circulating from hot to cold. The first ever air conditioner used ammonia refrigerant to compress and vaporize for the heat exchange ciruit, which worked fine but was less efficient than modern refrigerants, all of which are environmentally toxic. It was installed in a chocolate factory so work could continue during the summer and was so popular the idea spread rapidly. Just like refrigerators, A/C produces a net increase in heat due to friction and even more so in a motor vehicle. In a car, for example, just the difference of having A/C versus not having it installed, before even turning it on, wastes energy with the friction of the additional pulley constantly spinning at the hub and friction of gripping and bending the drive belt. Burning petrol or Diesel heats the world just to get the drive belt moving. A modest amount of DC electricity is needed to engage the magnetic clutch on that A/C pulley to clamp it to the A/C compressor pump. Now the engine devotes additional horsepower to drive the alternator a bit harder, and the compressor a great deal harder. There is a little friction generated just moving refrigerant through the pipes and the most fluid friction in the system is at the Bernoulli valve.
Here in Los Angeles there is an air temperature range that doesn’t exist long. That range is from mildly warm to hot. When folks climb onto their portable couch enclosed in a solar oven on wheels, also known as a Black Sport Utility Vehicle, they crank on the A/C and drive away. As they pump the heat out they become more comfortable, and shed that heat onto everyone else. Multiply that by all the LA vehicles, homes, offices, stores and when uncomfortable warmth triggers a cascade of heat pumps, the ambient air is suddenly 10°C warmer for everyone everywhere. It is possible to add less energy to the system – exchange the hot air from the car by leaving doors open a few minutes first and/or driving a few blocks with the windows open before closing them, or better yet, park in the shade, the couch inside your portable solar oven on wheels stays ready to enjoy. Don’t crank up the A/C to blow hot air on your face at first. Instead vent outside air to lower interior temperature before engaging the air conditioner fan on low and directed to the floor so it can cool the air most efficiently and collect as a pool of cold air at the floor with the windows up. Now you are crussing, close the outside air to recirculate that pooled cold air and crank the fan up to blow your face off as much as you want to pitch your sweat out onto pedestrians as they complain about the heat you selfishly dumped on them.
Even when you are using A/C in a residential or commercial structure, you are pumping the heat out locally as well adding heat far away. The plant generating the electricity is most likely spinning generators with steam turbines, and the steam is probably generated by burning fuel, such as natural gas if you are lucky, but more commonly coal and bunker oil. Imagine that, using heat to make cold.

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It is also possible to warm a room by pumping heat from outside in. If you were studying penguins, you could run the heat pump system to suck heat out of the cold air outside, just like the interior of your freezer, and pump it to the room you wanted to warm up, just like the kitchen. It may sound backwards, but surprisingly, it works.

HORRENDOUSLY INEFFICIENT
When I was working all night at the land, the first thing I’d do when I got home was to crash in bed. The wife would get up and go to work. When I woke up, the house was comfortable until she got home. She’d leave open the front door, drafting in all the outside heat “for the breeze”, then stand in front of the fridge, both doors open, with her head in the freezer and cool air flowing to her feet. That minute of self pleasure cost enormous energy and made me sweat for the rest of the evening as the fridge tried to recover, pumping its heat out into the kitchen for several hours. “I’m just deciding what to make for dinner…” was her excuse. I almost put a padlock and hasp on the fridge doors, but instead I moved the computer under the window with the A/C unit and installed an internet security camera in the door of the fridge. “See honey, you can view the contents of our refrigerator from anywhere in the world!” And I asked her to plan ahead, know where what you want is, pop the door just enough cracked open to snag all the things you need then close the door gently to avoid puffing out the cold air, keeping it closed as long as possible. She still stood every afternoon in front of the wide open fridge “My what marvelous work you did installing that night-vision camera!” So much for my thermodynamic lessons in efficiency.

FUN FACT
It takes a great deal of warmth to melt ice. The amount of energy to get a quantity of water ice from zero degrees Celsius to one degree is equivalent the energy to get the same quantity up the entire range from one degree and boil it at 100° Centigrade.
The same is true in reverse, It takes a tremendous amount of energy just to get the liquid water from 1°C to 0°C.

Personally, I’d like to keep my carbon footprint tiny, and not wasting resources keeps me greener to the world. I’ll make sure anything that goes into my fridge is at its coolest and driest, including the air exchanged by opening the door. Unless you have a pavilion nuclear power plant, filling ice-cube trays with boiling water and then placing them into the freezer uncovered is moronic on three levels.
1. Boiling water up you are about to freeze is a waste of energy. Save energy by letting anything hot you place in the fridge/freezer cool down to room temperature first.
2. Making your freezer work three times harder because you just skyrocketed the humidity up is a waste of energy.
3. Freezing water down you just boiled is a waste of energy and time. Save energy by letting anything hot you place in the fridge/freezer cool down to room temperature first and let the room do the freezers work for free. Trim freezing time by filling the trays in the morning when the cold water pipes are their coldest, or fill the trays from water chilled in the fridge for the quickest ice at home.

If your party needs several pounds of ice quickly, ask one of your guests to stop by the gas station/convenience-store/supermarket and pick up a bag of ice or two on the way in. When they bring it through the entrance, PRESTO! there you have instant ice. Petrol isn’t wasted, because trips are combined, and your kitchen stays cooler because you pay someone else to shed the heat elsewhere.

— better to learn by mistakes of others, — Wiz.
— erroneous examples as provided, — Wiz.
— than to learn by mistakes made for oneself. — Wiz.
— A bakers dozen out of 12 Wizards agree: “And far less painful. — Wiz.”

Birth of a Blog – Hello world! (remember to breathe.)

Like the hand-off of responsibility for services from Cape Canaveral to Houston Mission Control – POP, the umbilical detaches. What did MY delivery team do? Shout “Got a match?” and slap my mother’s face, er… my buttocks.

First lesson: REMEMBER TO BREATHE!

Take a deep breath of that thin blue line between the earth and space – live dangerously. So many celebrities, infamous and notable humans are making headlines nowadays by forgetting to breathe in one way or another, whether by huffingHydroxylic Acid, the GET SMALL molecule! DHMO - Dihydrogen Monoxide DHMO dihydrogen monoxide or overdosing in Hydroxylic Acid. You can catch some clown near a helium balloon while impressing a lovely lady by inhaling & reciting “follow the yellow brick road” in higher pitch through less dense gas, but it’s funnier when they replace their oxygen supply with helium long enough to pass out, tumble to earth and crunk a bloody gash in their eyebrow and when you roll him over and resuscitate him with mouth-to-mouth revived only to move his hands all over his body while bursting “Stop tickling me, stop tickling me!” O.K. my mistake, but Ruth van Empel was cute and getting this scar was worth it. At least it’s funnier when I look back on it, for it must have been terrifying to be Ruth and think “Oh my God! How am I going to explain the body?”

DHMO is the top of the list, number one killer among all Disney theme parks, resorts, cruise ship and other properties combined. Guests experience a far greater risk of death, by several orders of magnitude, from DHMO inhalation by just standing around being stupid than they would ever by enjoying a roller-coaster thrill.

Whitney Houston, Rodney King and Michael Philbin, son of a Green Bay Packers coach, were all determined without question that the cause of death was DHMO, the only questions remain how much Xanax, alcohol, or marijuana was also an influence. But one doesn’t need additional intoxicants to be stupid. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, every day about ten people die unintentionally from DHMO. Of these, two are children aged 14 or younger. It ranks fifth among the leading causes of unintentional injury death in the United States.1 It is a huge problem, more than 50% of victims treated in emergency departments (EDs) require hospitalization or transfer for further care (compared with a hospitalization rate of about 6% for all unintentional injuries).1,2  These nonfatal injuries can cause severe brain damage that may result in long-term disabilities such as memory problems, learning disabilities, and permanent loss of basic functioning (e.g., permanent vegetative state).3,4

Admittedly, one needs to be incredibly stupid to forget to breathe. But one hardly needs to be idiotic at all to accidentally slip in a puddle of it, then knock oneself out and drown by inhaling it – a depth of only two inches is all that is needed. But to truly understand DHMO let’s breakdown Dihydrogen Monoxide – that two hydrogen (white semi-spheres in the diagram above) for every one oxygen (red in the diagram.) That Hidden Mickey shape forms a common and abundant compound widely unregulated by government agencies — H2O.

http://www.cdc.gov/HomeandRecreationalSafety/Water-Safety/waterinjuries-factsheet.html/

This first installment of the User-manual for the human body reminds us to breathe.  And ends with two quotes from bodies which have achieved being human.  The first from my grandmother who is alive at age 101 “Every day above ground is a good day.” [I asked her “What do you want for your birthday?” She screamed “A coffin!”] and the second the reply to a news journalist interviewing a 110 year old man asking the secret to his longevity “Don’t stop breathing.”

  1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System (WISQARS) [online]. [cited 2012 May 3]. Available from: URL: http://www.cdc.gov/injury/wisqars.
  2. Laosee, OC, Gilchrist, J, Rudd, R. Drowning 2005-2009. MMWR 2012;00(00):p-p. (NA)
  3. Cummings P, Quan L. Trends in Unintentional Drowning: The Role of Alcohol and Medical Care. JAMA, 1999; 281(23):2198-2202.
  4. Spack L, Gedeit R, Splaingard M, Havens PL. Failure of aggressive therapy to alter outcomes in pediatric near-drowning. Pediatric Emergency Care 1997; 13(2):98-102.

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